Ah, this crazy life...

Here you see Owen Arthur Just, my 18 month-old son, running by the turtles at the Naples Zoo in Florida (not Italy). Watching Owen and Frankie over the past year has been joyful indeed.

We're a busy family. Probably too busy. With Brian all over the map working on improving bell peppers for a seed company, and with me devoting 20+ hours a week to administering a program for faith development at the liberal and non-creedal Unitarian Universalist Church of Fort Myers as well as teaching the odd online lit or comp course, I often find myself making hurried and anxious decisions about the course of each day. Is this my time for the big "ah-ha" moment? Am I working out this essential thing called balance?

The kids are central to our love and happiness and we strive to give them the time and attention they need each day. I look to the families I know with older kids and I try to take stock. Some of these kids are too far gone into the mindless video game netherworld; some of these kids just seem angry, too. I worry that I will fall short as a parent and the result will be one of the above or something worse. But I flip flop. Call me John Kerry then. I flip flop.

I know that we do a great job with the kids! I know that they are loved fully and treated with respect! Their lives are full of enrichment and exploration! So, to quote the Harry Potter instructor, "Constant Vigilance!" There's my Stoic reflection of the year! (Want to see another exclamation point!)

My Core

"Laughing Song" by William Blake

When the green woods laugh, with the voice of joy
And the dimpling stream runs laughing by,
When the air does laugh with our merry wit,
And the green hill laughs with the noise of it.

When the meadows laugh with lively green
And the grasshopper laughs in the merry scene,
When Mary and Susan and Emily,
With their sweet round mouths sing Ha, Ha, He.

When the painted birds laugh in the shade
Where our table with cherries and nuts is spread
Come live & be merry and join with me,
To sing the sweet chorus of Ha, Ha, He.

New Year Guffawing

Ha! I can undoubtedly say that this is the first time that the close of an old year and the opening of a new one has brought me to the point of teary-eyed reflection. How many times have I heard family and friends murmur in breathy tones, "Well, things change when you have kids." In my pre-reproductive days, I found this sentiment to be condescending and dismissive of my adolescent episodes. My lens for seeing the world was so myopic, despite my travels and self-prescribed worldliness. Boy did I have a lot to learn. Boy, do I have a lot to learn.

Since parenting is generally agreed upon to be one of the most difficult and most important tasks floating out there in the universe, I'll spare you the woes and just say this: my kids give me cause to smile every day. Every single day. Today, Frankie leaned in close with her nappy hair rubbing against my arm and gently (without that toddler manipulation that so frequents our household) whispers, "I wuv you, Mommy." It's so darn simple, isn't it? Just hearing her squeaky little voice and those cherished few words truly gives me a warming sensation. I feel bad for Frankie when she hands me that apple because I go gooey and want to kiss her up and down and squeeze her like Steinbeck's George does in The Grapes of Wrath. And then there's Owen. Who knew that a baby could communicate so much love (and need)? Why is it that his porky little face with his weird stubby tongue can melt me like a crayon on a Florida sidewalk? There is nothing funnier than seeing him bang on the toy piano like he is channeling Jerry Lee.

(This is what is referred to as annoying parental gushing.)

Let this entry be a testament to my kids. Thank you for showing me the world from your perspective. I had almost forgotten about innocence and awe.